This Week’s Testimony

Featured Testimony

When I was a kid, I went to church with my grandmother every weekend. It wasn't anything remarkable, we would just go to church and then get lunch after. This was the only exposure to Christianity and to Jesus that I had in my life at the time, and it did not go well. I was judged and teased for how I dressed when I would show up, and told that my tennis shoes were not good enough for God. I was also shut down and called disrespectful for asking any questions about the bible teachings in Sunday school. Instead of my curiosity being nurtured and seen as a way of seeking understanding, it was painted as taboo and disruptive. Because of this, I had shut down entirely to the idea of even remotely believing in God. I stopped going to church as soon as I was old enough to choose, and that was that. I essentially never gave God another thought.
After that, I began my journey into new age witchcraft. I had always felt that the world had meaning, and that this meaning had to be attributed to something. Since God was off the table, I attributed that meaning to "the universe". I was collecting pendulums, crystals, tarot cards, spell books, runes, doing spells, practicing astrology and palm reading, everything. It was my spirituality at the time. This is how my life was for almost ten years. Though it never seemed to give me the peace and joy that I had hoped it would. Although I had always assumed that it was because I wasn't trying hard enough, I eventually learned the real reason.
Some years later, I reconnected with some of my family members that I hadn't been close with for a few years. They were Christian, and although they had always encouraged me to read the bible, they took my non-belief in stride. They invited me to their weekly family bible studies, and I went for the food and the love if nothing else. In going to these bible studies, I asked questions and, to my surprise, got actual answers. I began to finally have a genuine understanding of what it was I was reading and, simultaneously, came to the realization that I never truly understood it at all. Because of this newly revived curiosity, I bought my own bible. The first bible I ever bought for myself. After watching how passionate and dedicated my family was to this God, I decided to read it and see for myself.
I did this for a few months. I just sat by myself in my home and read random chapters of the bible in no particular order. For a while, I felt no reaction or emotion at all. It was just like I was reading any other book. Until one random afternoon. I was reading my bible, as I had done many times before by that point, with the same neutrality that I always had. I raised my head up from my bible to look out my window, and within a second, a switch inside me flipped. For no reason, with no warning, and with no dramatics, I knew that it was real. I suddenly knew that what I was reading was the truth with absolutely no doubt in my mind.
Something about me that is important to understand is that I am a control freak in pretty much every aspect. I over think, I over prepare, and I never make a decision lightly, even if it's a small one. I cannot express how out of character this moment was for me. But, somehow, I did not hesitate at all to flip my entire world view on it's head and accept the truth. It was as easy as taking a breath. Making a decision about what to eat for lunch is more difficult for me than it was to accept Jesus in this moment. It was completely bizarre. But ever since that moment, I have been unshakable in my belief and my faith in God. I don't think that I have ever been more sure about anything. I have built a beautiful and loving relationship with God that I, admittedly, will never stop working on, but that I am very grateful for. I have since thrown away all of my witchcraft and divination things, as I have realized that they never truly made me whole. I was using it all in an attempt to bring me the peace that, I have realized, can only be given to me by God. I love God and I love Jesus very much. There is absolutely no going back to a version of me that does not hold that love in my heart. I still do not go to church, but maybe that will change someday. For now, I am just working on becoming the person that God needs me to be. I am so blessed and grateful that Jesus found me and took me in as I was. I am still far from perfect, but I at least know that I can place my trust in God. He saved me, as he continues to save me every day.
My final statement from my story is this: if someone you know or love is a non-believer, or is even just neutral about the topic, please do not condemn or criticize them. The Christians who criticized me and judged me are largely what kept me away from God for so long. If it had not been for the openness and acceptance of my family, as well as their example, I may not have ever found my way back. It is through their love and respect for me as a person that my heart was opened up to Jesus again. Please love non-believers, and please love them with all your heart just as Jesus would. You never know if your love and acceptance could be what helps them find their light in the dark. May God bless anyone who read through this whole thing. Thanks for listening to my story.

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